[It's been two weeks, and the Shatterdome is in a strange state of suspended animation. Mako herself has been seesawing through a range of emotions—elation to uncertainty to grief, back to relief and then confusion in a constant, endless cycle. Though the Shatterdome is still a hive of activity, with debriefings and the last trickles of post world saving celebrations, Mako can't help but consider it empty. Sensei's presence, long a guiding, larger than life force, is missing. There are no more Wei Tang brothers constantly dribbling their basketball back and forth, no more Kaidonovskies blasting their obnoxious house music, no more rush of purposeful activity and preparation. She even misses Chuck's boasting.
Mako doesn't do well with downtime, and with everything left to the higher ups, that's all there is. She's centered her life around the Jaeger program, but now there are no more Jaegers, and the truth is, she has nowhere to go. Somehow, she finds herself on the catwalks of the hanger bay anyway, looking at the huge, empty space where Gipsy once stood. When her mind wouldn't stop racing, she'd come here, sometimes just to listen to the sounds of maintenance being performed, of parts being swapped out and improved. It's silent now, and Mako can't help but think there might be a hole in her where Gipsy was, where Sensei used to be.]
[ It's been two weeks, and Raleigh still isn't sure what he's meant to do with himself now. He's been debriefed several times, each session ending the same; the breach is closed and the PPDC is still being dissolved, so he needs to move on. Move forward into this new kaiju-free world, one without a Jaeger for him to pilot or a wall for him to build. A world in which he's completely directionless, except for one thing.
The only thing left for his compass to point to is Mako.
The hangar bay is empty now but Raleigh knows that's where he'll find her. Not at the evening's farewell party for Herc, or her room, but up on the catwalk across from Gipsy's space. Where they'd once sat and gazed upon her as they discussed their new bond. He's not sure how he knows that's where she is, but their drift had been stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. They may not have lived in each other's heads long enough to sync up like he'd done with Yancy, but it was more profound somehow. The echo more tangible. And sure enough, she's there. Raleigh sits down beside her quietly, fingers curling into the grating on either side of him.
Two weeks, and neither of them have a plan. In theory, they have other skills. In practice, their lives are both being turned upside down right now and Mako especially lost a part of herself in the victory. Nothing will change that, or fix it. Nothing will fill the void left by Stacker, by her job. But he can still sit here, and wonder if the grief he's feeling is just empathy or actually hers. ]
Party's starting. I heard Max wants to kiss you goodbye.
[Nothing about this is ordinary. Normally, new partners don't Drift three times in less than a week and face down five kaiju. Normally, there's more time to adjust. Normally, the Shatterdome doesn't disintegrate around them. Mako is trying to take it all in stride, but she's starting to think that's impossible. Still, a bit of the tension eases from her shoulders when she hears—more than that, senses—Raleigh coming. With everyone else, she still feels the need to play professional. With Raleigh, she can open up, even if she doesn't know where to start.
Her lips just barely twitch up at the joke, and she looks over to study him. She'll go to the party, to thank Herc if nothing else, but she needs to work up to it.]
[ Raleigh glances back when he feels Mako's eyes on him. He doesn't know exactly what she's looking for -- appearance-wise there's nothing different about him today. He's just showered, his hair still damp and face fresh-shaved smooth, and he's in the usual cargos and a knit sweater. Nothing special. Another day, another post-victory gathering. But his expression is unreadable at the moment and he shrugs a little at her question. ]
Because I'm here.
[ They'll get there eventually, no need to be the first ones. ]
[That's exactly what she's looking for. He looks the same as he always does, and it's comforting. Unconsciously, she mimics the way he's curling his fingers into the grate, taking a second before she looks away, back to the empty space where Gipsy was. There's a lot she's thinking about, and she thinks it would be easier if she didn't have to explain at all, if they were Drifting. But they're not, and so she struggles to narrow her answer down to just one thing instead of giving him a long, winding list. Sensei still feels too big to talk about, just like Chuck and the other pilots, so...]
I've always wanted to be a pilot. For years, it was the only thing I worked toward.
[And now she doesn't have that. It's for a good reason, of course. The breach is closed, the kaiju are gone, and the world is safe. That only makes it a little less confusing and frightening.]
[ It's a little strange for Raleigh, to actually want the Drift. It had been a thing he was accustomed to back when he and Yancy were piloting, just a way of life, and then something he very nearly dreaded risking again after his brother's death. He hadn't been itching to get back in that pilot's seat or anything when he returned to the program a few weeks ago. But now, sitting with Mako knowing they'll likely never do it again, he's longing for the connection. To be able to just understand, without her having to force her feelings into inadequate words. He's been inside her head, and now he isn't. No echo can really let him know what she's thinking.
He nods at her words even though she's not looking at him anymore. It's different for him -- becoming a pilot had never really been his life's goal. He'd never achieved a dream, then had it be over. Despite it being good that it was over, it's also the age old question: What becomes of a soldier, after the war? There's nothing else in the world like piloting a Jaeger. Time for a new dream, he supposes. But what? ]
It paid off.
[ He'd known straight away she'd be an amazing pilot. Honestly, Mako seemed like the type to excel at anything she put her mind to, but part of it was also just innate. Raleigh himself hadn't been a natural like that -- Yancy was the better of them, though he did pick it up quickly enough. But Mako? 51 drops, 51 kills, and everyone knew that with a simulation record like that if it hadn't been for Pentecost she would've been stuffed into a real Jaeger years ago. It was an honor to have gotten to be her copilot. ]
[It did pay off, more than she could have ever imagined, and her connection with Raleigh was more than she'd ever hoped for. She thinks that if she'd been partnered with anyone else, they wouldn't have been as successful. Drifting with Raleigh just felt right in a way she can't explain. It feels like he understands her, but looking out at the empty hangar is still overwhelming. Sharing this particular fear isn't something she thinks she could do with anyone else but him.]
[ There it is. Strange that she'd ask right after he had the thought, or maybe not strange at all. Either way, he doesn't have an answer for her. ]
I wish I knew. I don't have a plan, either.
[ They've likely got some time to figure it out. Saving the world affords a person a certain amount of leeway with rejoining society, and he doubts he'll have to work double shifts for ration cards again anytime soon. But that's sort of worse, having nothing in particular to do. ]
You can write your own ticket, though. The world always needs engineers.
[She knows that, logically. It won't be hard to find a job or start a new career, it just seems so... Surreal at the moment. The PPDC has been her life for so long, and where does that leave Raleigh? Where does that leave them?
For a moment, Mako stares down at the grating under her hands, tracing the diamond pattern as she considers what to say. She doesn't quite look at him.]
They want us to leave soon. Are you going back to Alaska?
[ He has no attachment to Alaska as a place anymore. It had been where he was assigned, and then seemed an appropriate (if extremely morbid) choice for where to go to work on the wall. But Raleigh hadn't truly lived in Alaska since his childhood in Anchorage. That was a long time ago, and everyone in those memories are just ghosts one way or another. ]
[ Raleigh is quiet for a moment, just thinking. He's lived a lot of places, and visited many more, but nowhere ever really felt like home. Yancy had been his home, and then... there was nothing. Everything in him wants to just tag along with Mako, but just because they've drifted doesn't mean she wants him following her around forever. He shouldn't really put her in that position. ]
We don't have to settle right away. You can think about it, travel and see what fits. My uh... my mother was French but we never actually spent any time there. Maybe I'll try that out for awhile.
[He says "we" and her relief is palpable, at least until he mentions going to France, separating them again. It's not surprising. They've drifted, sure, but only a few times, and they haven't known each other much longer than a month. There's no reason for them to be attached at the hip, and she shouldn't have expected it. She wasn't, really, she tells herself, but she can't fight the rush of disappointment. Mako nods, fingers curling in the grating again.]
[ The way she says it sounds nice is hollow, like she doesn't really think so, and Raleigh feels something sink in his chest. Disappointment. Maybe her opinion matters more to him than he really understood? He'd be going on a whim and without a plan, after all. Or maybe--
--is it coming from Mako, not him? He wouldn't have predicted the ghost drift to be so distinct, after only a few times. Even if it is, he's not sure what it means. He's not actually in her head anymore. They're quiet for a moment, until Raleigh decides to take a deep breath and a risk. Just play it cool... ]
[Oh. Mako peeks over at him, trying to read his expression. It's not like he would joke about something like that, but after being in his head, she's realizing communicating normally leaves so many gaps that she'd never noticed before. Besides, this feels important, almost fragile somehow. Going with him is exactly what she wants, she just doesn't know how to navigate it.]
...Would that be okay?
[So much for playing it cool. Mako sounds almost painfully hopeful.]
[ Between the way she's looking at him and the eagerness in her voice, Raleigh's pretty sure his heart skips a beat. Staying together is what she wanted too, they were both just too uncertain to be the one to suggest it. His mouth curves into a tiny smile, and he nods at her. ]
Yeah. I'd like that. And it doesn't have to be forever.
[Mako smiles back, and it slowly turns into a little grin when he fumbles. She hesitates, then moves her hand closer, just enough to brush her pinky against his. Maybe both of them just aren't used to this. Raleigh has spent the last five years working on the wall, isolating himself, from what she understand of it. Before that, his drift partner was his brother—they were always going to be important to one another, co-pilots or not. She's utterly out of her depth, but maybe he isn't that far behind.]
I'd like to stay with you.
[That's the only thing that feels certain right now.]
[ Oh thank god, Raleigh thinks, letting out the tense breath he'd drawn when he fumbled and wasn't sure what part she'd choose to focus on. He's still reluctant to dump the full load of his codependent tendencies on her, especially not knowing what they are to each other at this point, but... they're something.
She brushes their fingers together and Raleigh turns his hand over for her, an invitation to hold on properly. ]
[ His fingers curl around hers, thumb stroking the back of her hand affectionately. It's been... a very long time since he held anyone's hand. He's not even sure he remembers how long. But it's really nice right now, with Mako. They could make a habit of it, he thinks. ]
A little town called Saint Sauveur. It's outside Bordeaux.
[ It's contagious. As strange as it feels to be planning anything at all, he's also... happy. When was the last time he was happy? The joyous rush of relief and victory has been a thing recently, sure, but this is different. He almost wants to just attribute it to Mako as well, but it's more like she just reawakened his ability to be happy again. He'll have to relearn what it's like, along with how to think ahead in the first place. Living one moment to the next isn't gonna cut it if he wants to stay by her side. ]
I'd like to see it at least. Probably wouldn't find any work there, though, I'll have to stick to cities.
[ Unless he wants to actually go to school for something, all he knows is industrial construction. Not much call for that in a small town. ]
[He's probably right, but for once, Mako thinks she might be okay with not having a concrete plan. They're a bit aimless, but maybe that's okay for right now.]
[ Raleigh grins again at that, because it's a smaller problem than she might think. Immersion does wonders and she might recognize a little bit if she hears it, after drifting with him. ]
I can teach you. We hopped all over the world when I was a kid, you'd be surprised how fast you can pick things up.
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Mako doesn't do well with downtime, and with everything left to the higher ups, that's all there is. She's centered her life around the Jaeger program, but now there are no more Jaegers, and the truth is, she has nowhere to go. Somehow, she finds herself on the catwalks of the hanger bay anyway, looking at the huge, empty space where Gipsy once stood. When her mind wouldn't stop racing, she'd come here, sometimes just to listen to the sounds of maintenance being performed, of parts being swapped out and improved. It's silent now, and Mako can't help but think there might be a hole in her where Gipsy was, where Sensei used to be.]
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The only thing left for his compass to point to is Mako.
The hangar bay is empty now but Raleigh knows that's where he'll find her. Not at the evening's farewell party for Herc, or her room, but up on the catwalk across from Gipsy's space. Where they'd once sat and gazed upon her as they discussed their new bond. He's not sure how he knows that's where she is, but their drift had been stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. They may not have lived in each other's heads long enough to sync up like he'd done with Yancy, but it was more profound somehow. The echo more tangible. And sure enough, she's there. Raleigh sits down beside her quietly, fingers curling into the grating on either side of him.
Two weeks, and neither of them have a plan. In theory, they have other skills. In practice, their lives are both being turned upside down right now and Mako especially lost a part of herself in the victory. Nothing will change that, or fix it. Nothing will fill the void left by Stacker, by her job. But he can still sit here, and wonder if the grief he's feeling is just empathy or actually hers. ]
Party's starting. I heard Max wants to kiss you goodbye.
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Her lips just barely twitch up at the joke, and she looks over to study him. She'll go to the party, to thank Herc if nothing else, but she needs to work up to it.]
Why aren't you there?
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Because I'm here.
[ They'll get there eventually, no need to be the first ones. ]
What're you thinking about?
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I've always wanted to be a pilot. For years, it was the only thing I worked toward.
[And now she doesn't have that. It's for a good reason, of course. The breach is closed, the kaiju are gone, and the world is safe. That only makes it a little less confusing and frightening.]
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He nods at her words even though she's not looking at him anymore. It's different for him -- becoming a pilot had never really been his life's goal. He'd never achieved a dream, then had it be over. Despite it being good that it was over, it's also the age old question: What becomes of a soldier, after the war? There's nothing else in the world like piloting a Jaeger. Time for a new dream, he supposes. But what? ]
It paid off.
[ He'd known straight away she'd be an amazing pilot. Honestly, Mako seemed like the type to excel at anything she put her mind to, but part of it was also just innate. Raleigh himself hadn't been a natural like that -- Yancy was the better of them, though he did pick it up quickly enough. But Mako? 51 drops, 51 kills, and everyone knew that with a simulation record like that if it hadn't been for Pentecost she would've been stuffed into a real Jaeger years ago. It was an honor to have gotten to be her copilot. ]
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But what do I do now?
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I wish I knew. I don't have a plan, either.
[ They've likely got some time to figure it out. Saving the world affords a person a certain amount of leeway with rejoining society, and he doubts he'll have to work double shifts for ration cards again anytime soon. But that's sort of worse, having nothing in particular to do. ]
You can write your own ticket, though. The world always needs engineers.
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For a moment, Mako stares down at the grating under her hands, tracing the diamond pattern as she considers what to say. She doesn't quite look at him.]
They want us to leave soon. Are you going back to Alaska?
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[ He has no attachment to Alaska as a place anymore. It had been where he was assigned, and then seemed an appropriate (if extremely morbid) choice for where to go to work on the wall. But Raleigh hadn't truly lived in Alaska since his childhood in Anchorage. That was a long time ago, and everyone in those memories are just ghosts one way or another. ]
Where do you want to go?
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I'm not sure. I've always gone where Sensei was stationed.
[Which meant, most recently, a long stint in Anchorage, from her time at the Academy there until moving to Hong Kong.]
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We don't have to settle right away. You can think about it, travel and see what fits. My uh... my mother was French but we never actually spent any time there. Maybe I'll try that out for awhile.
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That sounds... nice.
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--is it coming from Mako, not him? He wouldn't have predicted the ghost drift to be so distinct, after only a few times. Even if it is, he's not sure what it means. He's not actually in her head anymore. They're quiet for a moment, until Raleigh decides to take a deep breath and a risk. Just play it cool... ]
Do you like French food? You could come with me.
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...Would that be okay?
[So much for playing it cool. Mako sounds almost painfully hopeful.]
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Yeah. I'd like that. And it doesn't have to be forever.
[ Whoops. That came out wrong. ]
France, I mean.
[ Wait, maybe that's worse... ]
Or us. I-- you can always go if--
[ Someone please stop him. ]
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I'd like to stay with you.
[That's the only thing that feels certain right now.]
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She brushes their fingers together and Raleigh turns his hand over for her, an invitation to hold on properly. ]
Paris or Marseille?
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Where was your mother from?
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A little town called Saint Sauveur. It's outside Bordeaux.
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Would you like to go there?
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I'd like to see it at least. Probably wouldn't find any work there, though, I'll have to stick to cities.
[ Unless he wants to actually go to school for something, all he knows is industrial construction. Not much call for that in a small town. ]
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We can start there, then.
[But wait.]
I don't know any French.
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I can teach you. We hopped all over the world when I was a kid, you'd be surprised how fast you can pick things up.
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[Fix his accent, is what she means.]
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