[Who knows how many days it's been. He certainly can't keep track of them. Time is relative anyway. Millions of years in a blink of an eye; you only need a little patience to let the time pass anyway. Not that Newt has had much of that. There's a hysterical giggle on his lips, brief, like a hiccup, as his fingers drum against the metal cuffs holding his arms against the chair. It's...not exactly quiet in his head, per say--his head has never been quiet. Always racing, thinking of what next, what next, sometimes for days on end. Newt licks his lips, tasting copper at the blood spilled from the split in his bottom one, before he tilts his head back, rolling backwards on his shoulders to stare at the ceiling.]
Hey, y'know, uhhhhhh not to be a problem child or anything-- [and he snickers at his own joke]--but could I get, like, a sudoku magazine in here or something? Anything? 'Cause I'm, like...super bored.
[It's been two weeks, and the Shatterdome is in a strange state of suspended animation. Mako herself has been seesawing through a range of emotions—elation to uncertainty to grief, back to relief and then confusion in a constant, endless cycle. Though the Shatterdome is still a hive of activity, with debriefings and the last trickles of post world saving celebrations, Mako can't help but consider it empty. Sensei's presence, long a guiding, larger than life force, is missing. There are no more Wei Tang brothers constantly dribbling their basketball back and forth, no more Kaidonovskies blasting their obnoxious house music, no more rush of purposeful activity and preparation. She even misses Chuck's boasting.
Mako doesn't do well with downtime, and with everything left to the higher ups, that's all there is. She's centered her life around the Jaeger program, but now there are no more Jaegers, and the truth is, she has nowhere to go. Somehow, she finds herself on the catwalks of the hanger bay anyway, looking at the huge, empty space where Gipsy once stood. When her mind wouldn't stop racing, she'd come here, sometimes just to listen to the sounds of maintenance being performed, of parts being swapped out and improved. It's silent now, and Mako can't help but think there might be a hole in her where Gipsy was, where Sensei used to be.]
[ It's been two weeks, and Raleigh still isn't sure what he's meant to do with himself now. He's been debriefed several times, each session ending the same; the breach is closed and the PPDC is still being dissolved, so he needs to move on. Move forward into this new kaiju-free world, one without a Jaeger for him to pilot or a wall for him to build. A world in which he's completely directionless, except for one thing.
The only thing left for his compass to point to is Mako.
The hangar bay is empty now but Raleigh knows that's where he'll find her. Not at the evening's farewell party for Herc, or her room, but up on the catwalk across from Gipsy's space. Where they'd once sat and gazed upon her as they discussed their new bond. He's not sure how he knows that's where she is, but their drift had been stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. They may not have lived in each other's heads long enough to sync up like he'd done with Yancy, but it was more profound somehow. The echo more tangible. And sure enough, she's there. Raleigh sits down beside her quietly, fingers curling into the grating on either side of him.
Two weeks, and neither of them have a plan. In theory, they have other skills. In practice, their lives are both being turned upside down right now and Mako especially lost a part of herself in the victory. Nothing will change that, or fix it. Nothing will fill the void left by Stacker, by her job. But he can still sit here, and wonder if the grief he's feeling is just empathy or actually hers. ]
Party's starting. I heard Max wants to kiss you goodbye.
[Nothing about this is ordinary. Normally, new partners don't Drift three times in less than a week and face down five kaiju. Normally, there's more time to adjust. Normally, the Shatterdome doesn't disintegrate around them. Mako is trying to take it all in stride, but she's starting to think that's impossible. Still, a bit of the tension eases from her shoulders when she hears—more than that, senses—Raleigh coming. With everyone else, she still feels the need to play professional. With Raleigh, she can open up, even if she doesn't know where to start.
Her lips just barely twitch up at the joke, and she looks over to study him. She'll go to the party, to thank Herc if nothing else, but she needs to work up to it.]
[ Raleigh glances back when he feels Mako's eyes on him. He doesn't know exactly what she's looking for -- appearance-wise there's nothing different about him today. He's just showered, his hair still damp and face fresh-shaved smooth, and he's in the usual cargos and a knit sweater. Nothing special. Another day, another post-victory gathering. But his expression is unreadable at the moment and he shrugs a little at her question. ]
Because I'm here.
[ They'll get there eventually, no need to be the first ones. ]
[That's exactly what she's looking for. He looks the same as he always does, and it's comforting. Unconsciously, she mimics the way he's curling his fingers into the grate, taking a second before she looks away, back to the empty space where Gipsy was. There's a lot she's thinking about, and she thinks it would be easier if she didn't have to explain at all, if they were Drifting. But they're not, and so she struggles to narrow her answer down to just one thing instead of giving him a long, winding list. Sensei still feels too big to talk about, just like Chuck and the other pilots, so...]
I've always wanted to be a pilot. For years, it was the only thing I worked toward.
[And now she doesn't have that. It's for a good reason, of course. The breach is closed, the kaiju are gone, and the world is safe. That only makes it a little less confusing and frightening.]
[ It's a little strange for Raleigh, to actually want the Drift. It had been a thing he was accustomed to back when he and Yancy were piloting, just a way of life, and then something he very nearly dreaded risking again after his brother's death. He hadn't been itching to get back in that pilot's seat or anything when he returned to the program a few weeks ago. But now, sitting with Mako knowing they'll likely never do it again, he's longing for the connection. To be able to just understand, without her having to force her feelings into inadequate words. He's been inside her head, and now he isn't. No echo can really let him know what she's thinking.
He nods at her words even though she's not looking at him anymore. It's different for him -- becoming a pilot had never really been his life's goal. He'd never achieved a dream, then had it be over. Despite it being good that it was over, it's also the age old question: What becomes of a soldier, after the war? There's nothing else in the world like piloting a Jaeger. Time for a new dream, he supposes. But what? ]
It paid off.
[ He'd known straight away she'd be an amazing pilot. Honestly, Mako seemed like the type to excel at anything she put her mind to, but part of it was also just innate. Raleigh himself hadn't been a natural like that -- Yancy was the better of them, though he did pick it up quickly enough. But Mako? 51 drops, 51 kills, and everyone knew that with a simulation record like that if it hadn't been for Pentecost she would've been stuffed into a real Jaeger years ago. It was an honor to have gotten to be her copilot. ]
[It did pay off, more than she could have ever imagined, and her connection with Raleigh was more than she'd ever hoped for. She thinks that if she'd been partnered with anyone else, they wouldn't have been as successful. Drifting with Raleigh just felt right in a way she can't explain. It feels like he understands her, but looking out at the empty hangar is still overwhelming. Sharing this particular fear isn't something she thinks she could do with anyone else but him.]
[ There it is. Strange that she'd ask right after he had the thought, or maybe not strange at all. Either way, he doesn't have an answer for her. ]
I wish I knew. I don't have a plan, either.
[ They've likely got some time to figure it out. Saving the world affords a person a certain amount of leeway with rejoining society, and he doubts he'll have to work double shifts for ration cards again anytime soon. But that's sort of worse, having nothing in particular to do. ]
You can write your own ticket, though. The world always needs engineers.
when you said, raleigh can you entertain my brother for an afternoon while I work, you meant tequila shots and nearly drowning in a fountain right? btw he's not human. i've had lke 6 and he's had like 29 and now there's singing
[He thinks it started as headaches but he honestly isn't sure. It wasn't that unusual after Knifehead to wake up with his left shoulder aching, radiating up the side of his neck down to his fingers. Some mornings he'd spent nearly an hour trying to convince his left hand that it was real and working and intact. He knows for sure that those mornings have been coming more frequently for the past six months. It's been nearly three years since Pitfall. It doesn't make sense to blame the new aches and pains on that. He's probably just getting old.
It's nothing.
He knows that's a lie when the nosebleeds start.
He almost doesn't go to the doctor because he isn't stupid. He did pay attention to what happens to the human body when it's around a nuclear powered robot. Raleigh doesn't need anyone to tell him what's happening. The only reason he goes is because he wants a timeline. How long does he have? How bad is it going to get?
He has probably less than a year and it's not going to be pretty.
He keeps quiet for almost a week after the appointment. It isn't that he's trying to hide it from her. Raleigh doesn't want to upset her. The exact moment that goes to shit is in the middle of dinner when she suddenly stops talking and is staring at him like he's a ghost. He doesn't get it for half a second, and then he realizes there's blood dripping from his nose and well--- shit.
Wiping at the blood with his napkin, he doesn't know what else to do or say except:] Mako...
[Mako has noticed something was wrong. It would be impossible not to. She's always been observant, but even more so with Raleigh. She spends some mornings massaging his shoulder until the tension eases, but for a while she's suspected that he's been hurting more than he lets on. It makes sense though, certainly. Only two rangers had ever piloted solo, and Mako grew up with a constant awareness of Sensei's scars, of the aches and pains that came from the massive neural overload he'd suffered through. Raleigh was no different. Some days were just better than others, and it isn't as if closing the Breach had been easy on either of them.
But when she sees the nosebleed, she knows, deep in her heart, what it means, and her hand covers her mouth automatically. Gipsy had been shielded—Mako had done it herself. They'd all taken Metharocin, yes, but it was supposed to be an extra preventative measure after the first Jaegers were recalled and shielded properly. It doesn't make any sense, she tells herself, but it doesn't matter. All she can think of is Tamsin, wasting away slowly, and Sensei, getting worse and worse until his sacrifice finished the job. For a long moment, she can't speak. Her name barely registers, and then she forces something out, voice nearly breaking.]
[He should have told her right away. He realizes that now. Hindsight is 20/20 like that. He should have realized when he woke up in pain more often then not, that something was wrong. Maybe it wouldn't have made one iota of difference because the damage is done, but you know what they say.
Ignorance is bliss.
Raleigh can't look at her, so he takes the time to make sure he got all of the blood before he speaks.]
Five days, at most. [Tossing the bloody napkin to the table, he lets out a long sigh.] I couldn't think of how to tell you.
[It's not as long as she'd feared, but still. If he's having nosebleeds, that means it's advanced, which means there might be nothing they can do. If he didn't tell her, she suspects that's exactly what it means. He's not even looking at her, and she's still struggling to process it. She lets out a shuddering breath, head dropping as her hands cover her face.]
[He knows how shitty cancer is to watch, and eventually lose someone to. His mom died of lung cancer. It's part of why he and Yancy signed up to be pilots. He doesn't want to put Mako through this but the doctor was pretty firm there was nothing to be done.
It's not like there's a lot of research into the cure for Jaegar induced cancer.
Raleigh slides out of his chair, coming around the table to kneel by her. Right there on the floor.]
[Mako isn't expecting him to kneel next to her like that, and she looks up. She needs to get it together—she's not the one who's sick, and she knows exactly what he's going to do. If she gets emotional about this, he's going to worry about her more than he does about himself. It takes her a moment of wrestling with herself, but she swallows against the ache of tears in her throat and reaches for his hands. It's a measure of control, even if her voice is shakier than she'd like it to be.]
[He's already more worried about herself than he is about what's happening to him. He doesn't think he's ready to die, or made his peace with it or whatever bullshit people sprout when they're given a life sentence. Raleigh just honestly stopped caring as much what happened to him after his brother died and the only person to draw him out of his head was Mako.
He hates the idea of her being alone, or being as withdrawn as he was.
Bringing her knuckles to his mouth, he presses his lips there for a moment.]
[She just stares at him, barely feeling the kiss, trying to process what he's saying. A year. That's nothing. Even Sensei had much, much longer than that.]
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Hey, y'know, uhhhhhh not to be a problem child or anything-- [and he snickers at his own joke]--but could I get, like, a sudoku magazine in here or something? Anything? 'Cause I'm, like...super bored.
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Mako doesn't do well with downtime, and with everything left to the higher ups, that's all there is. She's centered her life around the Jaeger program, but now there are no more Jaegers, and the truth is, she has nowhere to go. Somehow, she finds herself on the catwalks of the hanger bay anyway, looking at the huge, empty space where Gipsy once stood. When her mind wouldn't stop racing, she'd come here, sometimes just to listen to the sounds of maintenance being performed, of parts being swapped out and improved. It's silent now, and Mako can't help but think there might be a hole in her where Gipsy was, where Sensei used to be.]
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The only thing left for his compass to point to is Mako.
The hangar bay is empty now but Raleigh knows that's where he'll find her. Not at the evening's farewell party for Herc, or her room, but up on the catwalk across from Gipsy's space. Where they'd once sat and gazed upon her as they discussed their new bond. He's not sure how he knows that's where she is, but their drift had been stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. They may not have lived in each other's heads long enough to sync up like he'd done with Yancy, but it was more profound somehow. The echo more tangible. And sure enough, she's there. Raleigh sits down beside her quietly, fingers curling into the grating on either side of him.
Two weeks, and neither of them have a plan. In theory, they have other skills. In practice, their lives are both being turned upside down right now and Mako especially lost a part of herself in the victory. Nothing will change that, or fix it. Nothing will fill the void left by Stacker, by her job. But he can still sit here, and wonder if the grief he's feeling is just empathy or actually hers. ]
Party's starting. I heard Max wants to kiss you goodbye.
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Her lips just barely twitch up at the joke, and she looks over to study him. She'll go to the party, to thank Herc if nothing else, but she needs to work up to it.]
Why aren't you there?
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Because I'm here.
[ They'll get there eventually, no need to be the first ones. ]
What're you thinking about?
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I've always wanted to be a pilot. For years, it was the only thing I worked toward.
[And now she doesn't have that. It's for a good reason, of course. The breach is closed, the kaiju are gone, and the world is safe. That only makes it a little less confusing and frightening.]
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He nods at her words even though she's not looking at him anymore. It's different for him -- becoming a pilot had never really been his life's goal. He'd never achieved a dream, then had it be over. Despite it being good that it was over, it's also the age old question: What becomes of a soldier, after the war? There's nothing else in the world like piloting a Jaeger. Time for a new dream, he supposes. But what? ]
It paid off.
[ He'd known straight away she'd be an amazing pilot. Honestly, Mako seemed like the type to excel at anything she put her mind to, but part of it was also just innate. Raleigh himself hadn't been a natural like that -- Yancy was the better of them, though he did pick it up quickly enough. But Mako? 51 drops, 51 kills, and everyone knew that with a simulation record like that if it hadn't been for Pentecost she would've been stuffed into a real Jaeger years ago. It was an honor to have gotten to be her copilot. ]
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But what do I do now?
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I wish I knew. I don't have a plan, either.
[ They've likely got some time to figure it out. Saving the world affords a person a certain amount of leeway with rejoining society, and he doubts he'll have to work double shifts for ration cards again anytime soon. But that's sort of worse, having nothing in particular to do. ]
You can write your own ticket, though. The world always needs engineers.
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btw he's not human. i've had lke 6 and he's had like 29 and now there's singing
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Where are you? Who almost drowned?
[Who is she going to judge more?]
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we both did
a police dog saved us
29 shots mako how is he breathing
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You didn't answer my first question.
[Wait.]
Did you keep drinking to try to beat him?
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I lost track after the third bar
he has a terrible singing voice by the way i'm thinking i'm going to gt him another drink to make it stop
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[What did Mako do to deserve this?]
Ask someone where you are.
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would you be mad if I left him here?
he's a grown boy he will probably make it home
WOW I MISSED THIS APPARENTLY NEATO
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this is her judgy face
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It's nothing.
He knows that's a lie when the nosebleeds start.
He almost doesn't go to the doctor because he isn't stupid. He did pay attention to what happens to the human body when it's around a nuclear powered robot. Raleigh doesn't need anyone to tell him what's happening. The only reason he goes is because he wants a timeline. How long does he have? How bad is it going to get?
He has probably less than a year and it's not going to be pretty.
He keeps quiet for almost a week after the appointment. It isn't that he's trying to hide it from her. Raleigh doesn't want to upset her. The exact moment that goes to shit is in the middle of dinner when she suddenly stops talking and is staring at him like he's a ghost. He doesn't get it for half a second, and then he realizes there's blood dripping from his nose and well--- shit.
Wiping at the blood with his napkin, he doesn't know what else to do or say except:] Mako...
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But when she sees the nosebleed, she knows, deep in her heart, what it means, and her hand covers her mouth automatically. Gipsy had been shielded—Mako had done it herself. They'd all taken Metharocin, yes, but it was supposed to be an extra preventative measure after the first Jaegers were recalled and shielded properly. It doesn't make any sense, she tells herself, but it doesn't matter. All she can think of is Tamsin, wasting away slowly, and Sensei, getting worse and worse until his sacrifice finished the job. For a long moment, she can't speak. Her name barely registers, and then she forces something out, voice nearly breaking.]
How long have you known?
[Because he had to have known.]
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Ignorance is bliss.
Raleigh can't look at her, so he takes the time to make sure he got all of the blood before he speaks.]
Five days, at most. [Tossing the bloody napkin to the table, he lets out a long sigh.] I couldn't think of how to tell you.
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It's not like there's a lot of research into the cure for Jaegar induced cancer.
Raleigh slides out of his chair, coming around the table to kneel by her. Right there on the floor.]
I'm sorry.
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What did they doctors say?
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He hates the idea of her being alone, or being as withdrawn as he was.
Bringing her knuckles to his mouth, he presses his lips there for a moment.]
A year. Probably less.
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There's nothing they can do? Nothing at all?
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