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[He's already more worried about herself than he is about what's happening to him. He doesn't think he's ready to die, or made his peace with it or whatever bullshit people sprout when they're given a life sentence. Raleigh just honestly stopped caring as much what happened to him after his brother died and the only person to draw him out of his head was Mako.
He hates the idea of her being alone, or being as withdrawn as he was.
Bringing her knuckles to his mouth, he presses his lips there for a moment.]
A year. Probably less.
He hates the idea of her being alone, or being as withdrawn as he was.
Bringing her knuckles to his mouth, he presses his lips there for a moment.]
A year. Probably less.
[He doesn't want to shrug, because that's careless and callous which he's not. He just.. doesn't know what anyone can do. He passed high school biology because he had to. If he can't wrap his hands around it, either to build or break it, it mostly goes over his head. That's fine.
He should've taken her with him, she would have known the right questions to ask.]
I can get a second opinion? We can, I mean.
He should've taken her with him, she would have known the right questions to ask.]
I can get a second opinion? We can, I mean.
[Mako runs her thumb over his knuckles softly, trying to focus on the actionable parts of this. They can talk to other doctors. They can look at options. Over a decade has passed since Sensei was diagnosed—surely things have improved. But still, there are tears in her eyes and a horrific ache in her chest, and she can't shake either off.]
Do you have another appointment?
Do you have another appointment?
[Raleigh shakes his head a little, almost ashamed to admit it. He should have another one, because that's what people do when they want to fight it right? Or they take the news and they go home and continue smoking and keep it hidden until there really is nothing to do.
Like mother, like son, huh.
He squeezes her fingers a moment later and looks up at her for the first time in nearly a minute.]
Honestly? I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Like mother, like son, huh.
He squeezes her fingers a moment later and looks up at her for the first time in nearly a minute.]
Honestly? I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
[Mako untangles her fingers from his, then slides down off of the chair to wrap her arms around him, squeezing tight. It's a bit awkward, kneeling on the floor like this, but she has an irresistible urge to be close to him right now, and she doesn't care.]
I can make another one for you. We'll go together.
I can make another one for you. We'll go together.
[Oh. That's nice. Raleigh curls around her like a spidermonkey, his head against her shoulder and a quiet sigh between them. It's better being close to her. The headache threatening to bloom behind his eyes, like it always does when he gets a nosebleed, feels a little more distant.]
I can call them. [But he does fully intend on bringing her with him this time.]
I don't want to leave you. I think talking about it would have made it more real.
I can call them. [But he does fully intend on bringing her with him this time.]
I don't want to leave you. I think talking about it would have made it more real.
[Mako takes in a shaky breath, willing her voice not to break, but it does anyway.]
I don't want you to go.
[She can't imagine it. In the grand scheme of things, these few years aren't much, but Raleigh is a part of her now. The thought of being without him is heartbreaking and unfathomable, and utterly unfair. Mako strokes his hair softly, combing through it with her fingers.]
Maybe they're wrong. Maybe there's a treatment they don't know about.
I don't want you to go.
[She can't imagine it. In the grand scheme of things, these few years aren't much, but Raleigh is a part of her now. The thought of being without him is heartbreaking and unfathomable, and utterly unfair. Mako strokes his hair softly, combing through it with her fingers.]
Maybe they're wrong. Maybe there's a treatment they don't know about.
[ It's been two weeks, and Raleigh still isn't sure what he's meant to do with himself now. He's been debriefed several times, each session ending the same; the breach is closed and the PPDC is still being dissolved, so he needs to move on. Move forward into this new kaiju-free world, one without a Jaeger for him to pilot or a wall for him to build. A world in which he's completely directionless, except for one thing.
The only thing left for his compass to point to is Mako.
The hangar bay is empty now but Raleigh knows that's where he'll find her. Not at the evening's farewell party for Herc, or her room, but up on the catwalk across from Gipsy's space. Where they'd once sat and gazed upon her as they discussed their new bond. He's not sure how he knows that's where she is, but their drift had been stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. They may not have lived in each other's heads long enough to sync up like he'd done with Yancy, but it was more profound somehow. The echo more tangible. And sure enough, she's there. Raleigh sits down beside her quietly, fingers curling into the grating on either side of him.
Two weeks, and neither of them have a plan. In theory, they have other skills. In practice, their lives are both being turned upside down right now and Mako especially lost a part of herself in the victory. Nothing will change that, or fix it. Nothing will fill the void left by Stacker, by her job. But he can still sit here, and wonder if the grief he's feeling is just empathy or actually hers. ]
Party's starting. I heard Max wants to kiss you goodbye.
The only thing left for his compass to point to is Mako.
The hangar bay is empty now but Raleigh knows that's where he'll find her. Not at the evening's farewell party for Herc, or her room, but up on the catwalk across from Gipsy's space. Where they'd once sat and gazed upon her as they discussed their new bond. He's not sure how he knows that's where she is, but their drift had been stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. They may not have lived in each other's heads long enough to sync up like he'd done with Yancy, but it was more profound somehow. The echo more tangible. And sure enough, she's there. Raleigh sits down beside her quietly, fingers curling into the grating on either side of him.
Two weeks, and neither of them have a plan. In theory, they have other skills. In practice, their lives are both being turned upside down right now and Mako especially lost a part of herself in the victory. Nothing will change that, or fix it. Nothing will fill the void left by Stacker, by her job. But he can still sit here, and wonder if the grief he's feeling is just empathy or actually hers. ]
Party's starting. I heard Max wants to kiss you goodbye.
[Nothing about this is ordinary. Normally, new partners don't Drift three times in less than a week and face down five kaiju. Normally, there's more time to adjust. Normally, the Shatterdome doesn't disintegrate around them. Mako is trying to take it all in stride, but she's starting to think that's impossible. Still, a bit of the tension eases from her shoulders when she hears—more than that, senses—Raleigh coming. With everyone else, she still feels the need to play professional. With Raleigh, she can open up, even if she doesn't know where to start.
Her lips just barely twitch up at the joke, and she looks over to study him. She'll go to the party, to thank Herc if nothing else, but she needs to work up to it.]
Why aren't you there?
Her lips just barely twitch up at the joke, and she looks over to study him. She'll go to the party, to thank Herc if nothing else, but she needs to work up to it.]
Why aren't you there?
[ Raleigh glances back when he feels Mako's eyes on him. He doesn't know exactly what she's looking for -- appearance-wise there's nothing different about him today. He's just showered, his hair still damp and face fresh-shaved smooth, and he's in the usual cargos and a knit sweater. Nothing special. Another day, another post-victory gathering. But his expression is unreadable at the moment and he shrugs a little at her question. ]
Because I'm here.
[ They'll get there eventually, no need to be the first ones. ]
What're you thinking about?
Because I'm here.
[ They'll get there eventually, no need to be the first ones. ]
What're you thinking about?
[That's exactly what she's looking for. He looks the same as he always does, and it's comforting. Unconsciously, she mimics the way he's curling his fingers into the grate, taking a second before she looks away, back to the empty space where Gipsy was. There's a lot she's thinking about, and she thinks it would be easier if she didn't have to explain at all, if they were Drifting. But they're not, and so she struggles to narrow her answer down to just one thing instead of giving him a long, winding list. Sensei still feels too big to talk about, just like Chuck and the other pilots, so...]
I've always wanted to be a pilot. For years, it was the only thing I worked toward.
[And now she doesn't have that. It's for a good reason, of course. The breach is closed, the kaiju are gone, and the world is safe. That only makes it a little less confusing and frightening.]
I've always wanted to be a pilot. For years, it was the only thing I worked toward.
[And now she doesn't have that. It's for a good reason, of course. The breach is closed, the kaiju are gone, and the world is safe. That only makes it a little less confusing and frightening.]
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